m.k.
madisen kuhn | writer + student

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i am, i am, i am

I swear that we're all in a constant, recurring state of amnesia. Especially me. My epiphanies seem to repeat themselves over and over again. I wonder when they'll finally stick.

Something that I've been re-discovering is that I am so much more capable than I realize. My anxiety disorder causes me to assume and anticipate the worst. I often view myself as someone who is weak and destined for failure. Therefore, I typically don't even try. I wimp out before my strength can even be tested because I'm too fearful of what the inadequacy will feel like. 

I've been doing a month long yoga challenge with Yoga with Adriene on Youtube. Today is day 11, and I almost skipped for the first time, because I haven't felt physically well all day. But I got on my mat anyway and tried. And I ended up being able to push myself much further than I thought I would. I found a strength within me, a collection of power sitting in the roots of my heart, waiting for me to believe in it. And as I laid on my back at the end of the practice, I felt empowered. glowing. centered. I meditated on the truth that I am more than I know.

I am more than I know.
I am more than I know.
I am more than I know.

When I put myself in these situations of intense intentionalism and focus, I am able to see myself more clearly. I can wipe away all the fog of fear and doubt and emotion, and just be. 

My epiphanies seem to repeat themselves over and over again. I wonder when they'll finally stick.

I guess they'll stick when I put more energy into being present and aware. I get tangled up in a minefield of mind games with myself, and it becomes so hard to snap out of the mess of thought. I'm reading The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer which is teaching me a lot about consciousness and awareness as a human smothered by so much internal and external stimuli. Soon, I will take these lessons that I've learned, and iron them onto my soul like girl scout patches. I will not forget the truths I have discovered because I will wear my sash every day and be reminded of who I am and who I desire to be.

I am. I am. I am.

I am so much more.

take care,

 
 
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